I despise how people expect you to get over things, even when it actually is kind of a big deal. And they want you to "realize" that not everything's perfect, so of course, eventually you have to get over some things. Something always has to go wrong, too. Whether a big situation or small. The first couple of times, you seem to get over it. But then, it happens so many times that you just lose count and you're supposed to get over all those things. You're supposed to "move on." Come to think of it, I highly doubt it's even possible for the human brain to do such a thing. I know for myself that even though I try to let things go quickly and easily, sometimes I just can't. I hold on...
I guess I wasn't always like this. Then again, my life wasn't always like- this. Things used to be different. They style. The area. The culture. And most of all, the people. I'd pretty much had burrowed myself in ignorance when I got here. I acted as if nothing could ever truly hurt me. I had built a shell. We all build it at one point in our life... It makes you feel untouchable. You believe that nothing could ever hurt you, and you believe you little mindless tricks seem to work. A couple of years fly by, and it's been successful so far, a few times of course you couldn't help but breakdown over pressure, but in general, your idea works, and pretty well. Then one day, you grow up. You begin to realize that all the things you've been ignoring are cathing up with you after all. Yeah, it took a little while, but now they're bluntly placed infront of your eyes. All the things you refused to deal with are right there and you realize how stupid you've been to think the way you did. Obviously you realize you can't ignore something that happened if it, well, happened. That be broken hearts, failed friendships, rejection, goals you did not accomplish, money issues, or maybe even family doubt in your future goals. The list of issues goes on and on. Some from years ago, some from months ago, some from weeks ago, and even some from a few days ago, all of which you refused to deal with at the time and decided to ignore instead. All this, running through your mind, feels like you're going insane. you try to do just what you used to do, ignore it all. Then you find out, that doesn't work anymore.
You traveled that iced river to often and now the ice is begining to crack, and the people around you will notice it. You lose your balance easily and that's when you slip. You lose your patience, you get angry way faster than you used to, you're not that little innocent person you used to be, you take more place than you used to and people don't get it. Your once best friend of a brother is now your competidor, the one that believes you'll fail even though you'd give every ounce of your belief that he will make it. Your relationship with your once hero of a father swings on a long branch, your close buddy one day and then grounding you the next for no particular reason. Then you find yourself asking for his help in cheating a permit test. He of course helps so you're not required to pay the extra $40 if you were to fail (and you probably were going to). You find yourself closer to your mother. Actually feeling guilt for the times you'd turn her away over something stupid. You can't help but feel sorry... Not for her, but for yourself. For being so vain. So cold. So- mean. But in all honesty, you're just like them now. You aren't more, and aren't less. They're just so used to seeing you so little, so ignorant, so weak and braindead that now it's a shock for them to see the person inside of you awaken. You will lose friends. You'll get in some strong arguments and maybe even some fights, but that's common things. It's just time to actually wake up. Take control. And deal with things. You've gotten older, and little games of hide and seek should have been left with your books back in middle school. You have to leave the playground and become an adult, or in my case, a teenager with thought. Of course people won't support you, maybe even your own family. First because you never asked nor admitted you needed support before, and then simply because they've got their own issues to deal with. Can you honestly blame them? They'll expect you to get over things, just like before, but it won't happen because you're a different person now, and you're not ready to let your old self come back. In fact, you're just not going to let that old you come back. Being weak is the past. ignorance is over. Now is time for the real life, the one where you live every minute and become more than just a part of the scenery.
The sad part is, you will, whether you want it or not, eventually you will return to your burrow of ignorance.
It seems as if the human brain just can't take that much.
Any upgrades coming soon?
They'd be welcome...
"Don't condem people based on their ignorance. Use it against them."- Unkown
